Pretend to Eat for Me
Summary: Pretend to eat for me. And I did. Implied Eating DisorderKate's PoV.
Disclaimer: If I owned Lizzie McGuire, this would be how Kate really thinks...but Disney owns the show.
You could say this problem started in high school. I love being a cheerleader. Who doesn't? But the price does come at a high price. It's not everday to hear from the older and cooler cheerleaders that in order to stay on the squad, I needed to lose my "baby fat."
It hurts to heat that from (ex) friends that I am fat. I am not, but I needed to lose the weight, "the baby fat." Essentially everyone started noticing my new body, after I lost a few pounds and all the guys stated hitting on me. I felt sorta happy, but then I wondered if I was never beautiful before?
I think it was a year where I suppressed my eating. I would tell myself a lie, that I was not hurting myself. When really I was. But with no one at home to stop me and my new (ex) friends supporting me there was no way for me to stop myself.
I still pretend not to feel guilty, that I was not hurting myself. I think only a few people truly noticed, but Ethan, probably didn't know till he said to pizza with him. I'll just pretend to eat for him.
And I'll lie awake at night trying to soften my retching sounds and to cry myself to sleep. I will wake up the next day and pretend that everything is ok. After all, that's what I have to do in order to still be a cheerleader.